As tomorrow approaches I cannot believe that it has already been 1 year since Bailey’s journey began. Some days it feels as if this is how life has been for such a long time and other days I feel as if it happened only a week ago. I look back over this past year and think of how much our life has changed. Before she was diagnosed, our busy days were filled with school, work, homework, girl scouts, and when I could find time to go to the gym or grocery store. Life was definitely different then and looking back my worries were so very petty. What I wouldn’t give to have that life back, but on the other hand I know that we would have never experienced all the great blessings we have because of her illness.
Her illness has taught me about what is really important in life. I never take the little things for granted anymore. I now appreciate the fact that my 8 year old still wakes up in my bed instead of her own because it means that we are at home in our own bed, the memories of her running through the house even though I told her that we walk because she could still walk then and didn’t have to rely on a wheelchair, kissing her scraped knees or mosquito bites because those were booboo’s I could fix, arguing with her about how long she had been in the bathtub because back then I didn’t have to carefully sponge bath her every night using the gentless of touches becasue her nerves are so sensitive….those are just some of the things I can really appreciate now because of how much our life has changed.
Watching my little girl face some of life’s hardest struggles knowing that I cannot fight this battle for her has been one of the hardest things for me not only to watch but to accept as a mother. Many times I found myself praying for God to take this battle off of her hands and let me fight this fight. I am her mom and I was put on earth to protect her, I needed to fix this for her, afterall that is what Mom’s do. I can now say that I get it…I know why God didn’t allow me to fight this fight or fix this hurt. It is because HE knew that my littl girl would touch far more lives than I ever could. So many times people have told me how much of an inspiration she is to them and how differently they look at life now because of her journey. All I can do is shake my head in agreement because I too have learned a new way of life because of her. As a parent you are supposed to teach your children about life lessons but that is not the case….Bailey has taught me more about life, love, patience, trust and most importantly FAITH. My faith in God is one thing, but the faith of my little girl is so much greater than I could have ever hoped for.
I never thought in a million years that at 28 years old I would have to deal with such a hardship but then I think to myself how would I have dealt with this at the age of 8. Cannot say for sure that I would have handled it like she does, taking each day as it comes. No matter what is thrown her way she always has a smile and never complains about much. She has never once questioned why this happened to her because she understands that everyone has struggles in life and this was the one she is faced with. I will always remember when she was getting her chemo treatments at Tulane and she would hear another child crying in pain, she would always pray for them at night. She could have had the worse day ever and she would still be concerned about someone else’s well being. That’s just Bailey.
So today I want you all to know how proud I am of her. Words cannot express the joy in my life because of this little girl. Never would I have thought that one little person could bring me such happiness but I will be the first to say my cup runneth over! She is such a special little girl. I know that God has alot in store for her and HE is watching over her every step of the way. I am very thankful to say that although 1 year ago we were told that she had a 30% chance of surviving and that she would never walk again, but she beat the odds. Not only is she still here causing her mommie more chaos then ever but she is well on her way to walking. Never underestimate the strength of hope and the determination of a little girl with a purpose and a heart full of faith!